Are You Still “In the Closet” About Your True Self?

What image do you present to the world? How do you want others to see you?

Is this “self” the same between the public sphere and the internet?

Does this person you present match who you truly feel you are inside?

A chance encounter with a little girl today opened my eyes to how I am still “in the closet” about my true self.

The Question

“What’s that thing he’s wearing?” asked sweet little blonde girl, no older than four or five.

“Oh, it’s, uh, just a bag of rocks…he picked it up earlier and wanted to wear it, so I let him. He, uh, likes to pick up rocks, so we keep them,” I responded awkwardly.

I was embarrassed.

I was embarrassed even before that sweet little lamb had asked what it was. Embarrassed when I saw I had left it on him, afraid of what her grandfather or the other conventional (albeit very friendly) dad at the playground with his three- and nine-year-old would think if they noticed it.

I was embarrassed to tell her the truth, lest I be judged for it. (When really, I was judging myself.)

Crystal Child

I have been learning a little more about crystals and wearing them for the past few months, and I recently have been having some remarkable success with one crystal in particular that is really jazzing me up about them.

So, I decided that I would try putting crystals on my very active 14-month-old son to see if they could chill his edge, so to speak!

He has had great joy when I let him play with a few quartzes (all too big to accidentally swallow) and other stones, so I thought he might like to wear some like his mama does.

I put a few calming crystals in one of my two medicine bags and had it by him during naptime yesterday with some success. Today, he put my medicine bag over his head by himself, so I took mine off him and replaced it with “his” bag. A few minutes later we went for a walk to pick blackberries and to try to burn off some of his crazy energy.

The Chance Encounter

While at the playground after picking berries, we ran into the most adorable little fairy of a girl who asked if she could play with my baby. I said she could try, but I didn’t know how much he knew how to play. Then he immediately ran over to her and wrapped his arms around her in a Baby Bear hug.

(💖Heart Melts!💖)

He played remarkably well, sort of just running here and there doing his own thing, but also watching what the big kids were doing, and playing in his own toddling way.

It was halfway through that I noticed he was wearing the medicine bag. I decided it would be more noticeable if I tried to take it off now, so I would just ride it out and let the parents think what they would, assuming they would be too embarrassed themselves to ask me about it if they did notice.

Then, she asked me the question.

“What’s that thing he’s wearing?”

The Opportunity Lost

It was asked in perfect innocence. There was no judgment or derogatory tone: I can’t imagine such a precious thing ever having judgment anyway!

I brushed off her question by making up a half-truth to mask my own embarrassment about my beliefs and the life I am trying to live, all represented by the worn leather bag around his neck.

My own bag was tucked safely between my bosoms in my bra, but his was out there, loud and proud, blatantly symbolizing the difference between children and adults and our abilities to be open & true to ourselves.

Only later did it occur to me the opportunity I had been given by the Universe.

What if I had told this little girl the truth?

“Do you believe in Magic?”

What if instead of the shuffling half-truth, I had said instead:

✨💎🌟 “It’s a deerskin medicine bag I bought from a Native American who made it himself, and it’s filled with MAGICAL crystals!” 🌟💎✨

crystals

WOAH! HER MIND WOULD HAVE BEEN BLOWN!🙆

Well, at least I know that I would have been stoked to hear that as a little four- or five-year-old girl! I would want to see the crystals and touch them and ask what they were for, what their names were, and from where they came.

It would have been an opportunity both for me to be proud of who I am and what I do and for the little girl to get to see two pretty awesome things: crystals and an adult who still believed in magic.*

*Although I do think crystals work in a “logical” way, I am referring to the greater mysterious ways of the Universe and the delight for life when I say magic.

Lesson Learned: Honor Yourself & Others by Being Yourself & Sharing Your Magic!

We are often so afraid to show our true selves, afraid of the rejection and judgment (or worse) we feel will follow, that we keep to the well worn trail, too timid to go off course and dive headfirst into the lake of our Hearts.

If you are not free to be who you are, you are not free.

-Clarissa Pinkola Estes

It doesn’t matter what kind of “true self” we are talking about and how well or not we can hide it, whether it be our colorful personalities or the color of our skin, our sexual orientation or our spiritual alignment, or our ancestry or love of all things purple and zest for creating our own clothes!

If we desire deep healing in ourselves and in the world, honoring ourselves first by being our truest selves will help us accept others for their true selves, no matter how different from our own.

The more I accept myself, the less I judge myself- and as a result, the less judgmental I am of others.

-Anita Moorjani

Let us celebrate our differences, instead of criticizing or condemning, and the unique magic we each bring to the world. While nothing TRULY separates us, as we are all just separate facets of the same glimmering crystal of Divine Consciousness, we must tear down the personal AND collective barriers we have accumulated–visible or not–that appear to separate us from our true selves and from each other. Are you creating your own barriers (as I have been)?

To Thine Own Self Be True!

We are here to let our light shine! Let’s share our own magic, stand up for everyone’s right to share their own magic, and illuminate the world.

What Are We Afraid Of?

I think this is why it took me so long to delve earnestly into the world of deep connection with Mother Nature and the natural magic of the Universe despite my interest in it since childhood. Being a park ranger was the closest I could get to assisting myself and others in communion with nature without going “fringe”. Though I know I am likely no longer in danger of being burned  at the stake like my ancestors, there is still a fear of what others will think or say, of being laughed at or shunned.

But as a wise one once said in all harshness of truth:

What’s the problem? What are you afraid of? Of being laughed at? It won’t kill you, and if it does, then your problem is over anyway!

On the other hand, the anonymity of the internet has made it easier for me and others to dip our feet into being this truest self without putting ourselves totally out there. Through the virtual world, I have seen how many other women on the planet feel the same way I do, who desire this Earthbound connection to be reestablished in themselves and the world, and it makes me feel accepted for what I was once ashamed to feel.

I found my tribe, so to speak. By connecting with them, I am able to better allow my true self to come forward and emerge into living manifestation. But now it is time to step out of the closet and into my own light, it is time to be my truth in all worlds: spiritual, virtual, and physical. THIS, too, is self-care.

Bolting forth, running off the path, and diving into the lake of my Heart,

I will honor myself by BEING MYSELF.

Me&Squatch

Today, a little angel came to Earth and showed me just that.

Next time, little Earth Angel, I will be prepared to share my magic with you.

🌀 Moon Bear Woman

Save

Save

Save

Save

Save

3 Comment

  1. […]                                                                  A timely and well written reminder to just be myself….                                                 […]

  2. Love this post! Thanks for sharing. I’m a magic-believer myself and it has taken years for me to embrace this side of me. I was raised in a Christian home and my family of origin is very conservative. I don’t see or speak to them all that often, but I do have concerns about what they think about my chosen lifestyle. Distance from them and finding others who feel the same way I do about connecting with Mama nature has really helped me embrace this side of myself that I tried to ignore in high school and college. Now that I’m no longer ignoring this huge part of me I’m happier than ever.

    More chances for you to speak freely about your truth will arise, especially with such a young little. Blessings to you for sharing and embracing all aspects of yourself. <3

    1. Olive says: Reply

      Thank you so much for your thoughtful words!

      Your comment about your conservative and Christian family is so timely, as I just read a storybook to my son based on St. Francis of Assisi’s The Canticle of the Sun. Through the praising of God and his power and love, are recanted the virtues of “Our Brother Sun,” “Sister Moon”, as well as Brothers Wind, Air, and Fire and Sisters Water & Earth–and even Sister Death, in a way VERY reminiscent of the more ancient Earth Mother–dare I say, “paganish”– ways of thinking.

      This has been a special reminder that we are all, down to our roots, all connecting to the same grand energy that some call God, some the Divine, the Universe, the Goddess, All-That-Is, Universal Consciousness, what-have-you, and within that we still find reverence for Mother Earth and Father Sky and the elements and majesty in it all.

      Granted, St. Francis of Assisi wrote this in 1224, but perhaps that is why WE are here NOW, those of us who feel this magic for Mother Nature, to reconnect and share it with others who have forgotten what it feels like to be in intimate relation to Her. While I see what I have been doing with my interactions with Mother Nature’s creatures and beings, with my explorations with crystals and connection to the moon and even my use of oracle cards and such, as my primary mode now of relation to the Universe, I also see it as not being separate from any religion but complementary to it. Hopefully in time, others of committed religious persuasion will see that as well and be able to enjoy the magic, too! It’s definitely an inclusive magic.

      Funnily enough, it was my liberal mother–a bit “woo woo” herself–who teased me first about my medicine bag that I felt badly about wearing it. Go figure! 🙂

Leave a Reply