It’s the Full Moon tonight, which normally would mark the half-way point for my monthly lunar intention, but a few days before this past New Moon, when I set about creating my intention for this Moon cycle, a “spiritual block” led me down another path.
I never truly imagined such a thing would become a reality in my life (and yet I actually set an intention for this very thing back in February):
I’m going on a vision quest.
Yep. A vision quest.
You probably have heard of this idea before, more familiar with it as the rite of passage into manhood for young Native Americans, but it is an ancient—perhaps timeless is a better word—rite that is open for anyone and that promises as little as personal peace and as much as a complete life shift and enlightenment for the good of all.
Let me explain how I went from attempting to set a small intention to taking this leap of faith into the unknown.
With the New Moon in Leo, it seemed that the keywords of creativity, idealism, and leadership would lead me into my perfect intention for this month. And it was true—I had been thinking more about my purpose/career lately and getting myself back on track with a strong sense of direction, so it seemed like this month was a good time to focus on that.
However, though I knew the area of my intention, I spent days and days trying to think of what my specific intention should be, but nothing was coming.
Zip. Zilch. Nada.
It was as if access to my spiritual self—and even my rational self—was covered in a thick haze: I could see the outline of something ahead of me, but I couldn’t tell its distance, the pathway to it, or even its true identity.
About the second day after the New Moon I decided to give up. I had been trying for at least the past five days to come up with an intention, and there was just squat diddly. The power of the New Moon was waning as she waxed, so I decided to call it.
The Force(s) that Be
I knew forcing something that wasn’t right for me would be a waste of time, and I didn’t want to share something that felt inauthentic on this blog just for the sake of getting more posts.*
We’re supposed to be ALLOWING things to come into our lives, right?
Forcing just pushes things away.
However, little did I know, there were other forces at work behind the scenes which were working to answer my call for intention in the most amazing and unexpected way!
The Synchronicities Pile Up
The Wisdom Of Wilderness
First of all, I randomly picked up a book off my shelf that I had checked out from the library MONTHS ago but had never actually started reading until I felt compelled to dive in all of a sudden.
It’s called “The Wisdom of Wilderness” by Gerald G. May, and from the very first paragraph, I felt like I was cosmically intended to read this at the time that I am.
Without going into too much detail on the little—yet personally profound— synchronicities, and while I haven’t finished reading the book yet so perhaps there are more, what was especially interesting to me was the author describing how at 50 years old he finally spent his first night alone in the wilderness…and how it scared the piss out of him…until he faced and embraced his fear and started making profound connections to the true nature of self.
This resonated with me like WOAH.
Despite having been a park ranger for a number of years, I have never spent more than a small handful of hours alone in the wilderness, let alone a single night.
I was surprised when I realized this.
Of course I’ve spent time in hotel rooms alone in strange cities and have hiked alone for a few hours without running into another soul and have been overnight in the wilderness with others many times, but never has it been just me and the naked darkness.
Ask And Ye Shall Receive
Shortly after starting to read that book, Papa took the babe and the beast one morning and I meditated (on my delicious Yantra mat: an acupressure pad I don’t use enough—it’s like a bed of nails, and yet I love it) and asked a series of questions with palms facing up and out, letting the answers come to me.
One of the resonating answers I received was that my disconnection from Mother Earth is why I feel unable to connect with my true self.
I saw in my mind’s eye my “true self” being trapped in a small, thick opaque white box that was built mainly out of societal expectations and which could only be broken open and released by going into DEEP connection with Mother Earth.
I was also told that not being in connection with my true self/spirit is why I am hesitating about and self-doubting any calls of direction or purpose.
These answers made sense to me in the sense that I FELT their truth. And while I am not the most disconnected from Mother Earth (I’ve been able to ask trees what kind they are and received answers that I later researched and found to be 100% accurate), there is a different level of connection I feel is being required to access my true spirit.
While still trying to come up with an intention, I had glanced at a list of goals I made for the year back in February (and haven’t looked at since,) disappointed to see almost all of them unfulfilled and most completely unattempted.
One of those goals was to go on a vision quest, though I didn’t know how or when I could do such a thing. I guess I thought I would just go camping for a time and do a lot of thinking—probably not the right way to quest. It felt like one of the least likely to happen goals on that list, even when I first made it.
Answering the Call
So when I got an email about a last call for a Spirit Quest (that I hadn’t even heard a first call for,) I knew it was the delivery of what I needed from the Universe.
And I signed for that package with no questions asked!
What is even more extraordinary is that the quest is being offered by a place whose newsletter I had signed up for back in December, right around the time I first felt the stirrings of my potential purpose and stirrings toward living a more magical, Mother Earth-centered, mystical, Spirit-minded, Holy life. And I am even more blessed to share this experience with seven other women plus the two female elder leaders who will be guiding us through.
The Greatest Intention EVER!
So it all seems to be falling into place. There could be no intention for this month, because I have been preparing for my vision quest: 5 days including 3 days and 2 or 3 nights alone in solitude, with only water and some cornbread and myself.
If I said I wasn’t scared…well, I won’t, because I am.
Scared, terrified, and thrilled.
I continue to prepare as the time draws near: setting intentions for the quest, reading about them, and pumping lots of boobie milk. This is also the first time away from my 15-month-old, so maybe I will be having more than water & cornbread… 😉
More to come soon!
Moon Bear Woman
…for now: A quest is apparently the perfect time to discover one’s “true” name—something I have struggled with for years, so perhaps in a few weeks I will have a “rebranding” of myself under a new guise! Woo hoo! ———I have a feeling “Spirit told me to!” is going to be a new favorite excuse for all of the fun, “crazy” things I will be doing.
[*Note: On the note of posting and authenticity, I am slowly building up to the goal of posting multiple times per week with the intention of a lively, active, vibrant blogspace & community, but I am also attempting to respect my germination process right now as I discover my message. It’s a hard balance, but I know that it is necessary to move slowly right now.]